I've Stopped Watching Television Altogether - Realizations

June 5, 2017

I've Stopped Watching Television Altogether - Realizations

Apologies for this post but it may be a little directionless.

My reasons for no longer watching television have nothing to do with making a statement or about the low quality of most television these days. It's not some sort of experiment for me either. No, it's about something completely different and a shift of my outlook on everything of this world, this nation, entertainment, all of it. It all stems from something that happened almost half a year ago about a girl named Katelyn Davis, who i've written about previously, and she's still in my thoughts all the time. Like a piece of myself is gone forever. For these months, these emotions of feeling down have been all the more real. And sunsets and moon-risings alone have been my most frequent company.

Since that time i've been increasingly unsatisfied with so much that i used to find a comfort in. Maybe, looking back, i could call it a mindless comfort. My mind and heart feels broken, or perhaps full of clarity, and i'm completely incapable of being that person again. The most i watch is maybe a movie a night and around twenty minutes of youtube videos. Beyond that, i cannot get into the 'entertainment' anymore. I cannot even stand certain types of films either.

a television outside in the middle of a streetEveryone else i know, of course, are still completely locked to the television during most of their free time. And when they're not, they have their DVRs set to record their favorite shows and also have them set to record shows that are on at the same time as other shows. I just cannot get into that.

I've been getting to know more people online as a result of the 'catalyst' event but there's a part of me that does want so much more. Wanting a connection beyond something that's momentary. Something not based in seeing the person on the other side as momentary entertainment or a temporary distraction. I've been guilty of it in the past. Wherein only one of us are engaged in the conversation and the other person is there for convenience. We need to truly begin communicating with each other, as real humans, and not as entertainment. To see that we're all reaching out.

If anything, television was the distraction that kept me from realizing how lonely i truly feel. I see the world around me and it's like i see a living apocalypse. So much feels so empty, not as much within me but within everyone else that i see. Like this is a land of zombies where so many are locked-in into their devices for entertainment. Tech addition like this started getting this bad around 2010 and all i want is to get to know people that are beyond that. People that feel like i do. Those of us, the pushed-off  and wandering, wide awake, in a world of those willingly distracted.

All in all, i do want to get to know new people. It's just that i wonder if anyone even wants to get to know me.