Saudade and Deeply Missing Someone That You Never Knew

Saudade is roughly defined as longing for someone, or something, no longer around. It's a feeling of longing for those who are gone. It is the love that remains and the wishes, of your living experiences, thinking that they should've still been around to experience these things too. It's a feeling of unfairness and having these emotions open one's feeling of their absence and an emptiness within. In part, it's a sadness but can be a combination of happiness and sadness at the same time.

For me, this is a whole new experience and emotion that i've only recognized within myself over the past two months, since early January. I can't explain why i feel this, deeply missing someone i never knew. I can't explain why this hit me so hard. Yet, it's like a feeling of the whole world itself is out of balance and so much feels so different. I'm not even the same person anymore and i can't even stand many of the things i used to. I wake up with thoughts of her on my mind and, as i fall asleep, the thoughts are the same. At this point, it's a subconscious thing that i have no control over. Though it's not overwhelming and manageable. I still tear up every once in a while. Little things throughout the day reminds me of them and all i can think that this is the way of my soul working through things and trying to make a place where i'll never forget them. That and to never forget these changes.

I don't know, i don't understand this, and this is all new to me. I've never missed anyone that i've never known. Especially not this much. It's strange because it's the same feeling i had, the sense of grief but alongside 'light', that i had after having family members pass away. It's like there's an importance to this, why i feel so much over this, and i've yet to find the reason. When the more realist part of myself knows that i just should accept this as it is. That some part of the "world", in a spiritual sense, is trying to speak and we just need to open ourselves with focus. That this is her message.

There is a whole other world that people have outside of the internet and i feel that people sometimes forget that. I know i have in the past. We're all connected but these connections are flimsy at best. The internet is still a fairly recent thing, especially the "modern" internet, and we're only going to feel closer to the people we meet online as social technology develops. But we have to remember the physical aspect, that people on the internet are real, that we're real, and that our souls, our physical selves, aren't likely to ever be represented fully in the digital realm. The internet doesn't have to be a dark place. We always have to leave a place for real world interaction and meeting these people, if you grow close.

We need to make the most of helping people in need when you come across them online. We need to interact with others online with nothing but KiNDness, understanding, and empathy. We need to avoid those who tear down or exploit others. We need to avoid interactions that make us feel regret. This is more than just being about preventing, and not taking a part of, bullying online. It's about going beyond and being a force to counter that. Even a little sunlight in someone's day can save someone. And exploitive behavior, where you see it, is your duty to shut down. To head off those who look to manipulate those who feel down or those who are vulnerable. Those in need of true emotional support don't need parasites, they need honest empathy, compassion, and understanding. Which the internet, this digital realm, needs far more of.

For me, this is what i've promised to do, online and off, for people who are in need of someone to just listen or talk to. This is where the profound change i've experienced comes from and where it stemmed from. I dedicate all these things, the good i put out into the world and the helping of others in need, in memory of Katelyn Nicole Davis. Forever in my memory and forever in my heart. Forever in KiNDness. Forever in memory of Katelyn Nicole Davis.




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